The Stars

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

I once received a card from a very good friend at University, with this quotation on the front.  Over the last two years I have shot for the moon, but now it is the stars that I lie among; I was not destined to be The Eagle, landing on the surface of the moon.  The selection decisions for the London 2012 Olympic Games were made a few weeks ago.  Obviously I was disappointed not to make the Games, but not with the decision to omit me.  Unfortunately, my performances in the World Cup competitions over the last year, were not up to scratch, below the minimum level for selection and far below my own expectations, and thus I was not discussed in those meetings.  

Why? Is generally a good question - for me - why did I not perform as I was capable of in the qualification window? But also other questions come to mind: Do I believe that my results were reflective of my ability? No. Do I believe that my technique is deficient? No. Was I just unlucky? Also no. Why did it not come together? why? A question that no doubt, I will continue to ask myself for some time, and in good time I will do a review.  The truth is that I fully believe that I am a far better athlete than I have ever been before, with better technique and ability, and yet have done far worse over the course of a season than I have ever done before. It still doesn't make sense to me.  

Looking back, I see all the hard work I have put in.  The effort I have taken at every training session, every conditioning session, at sports psychology, by finding a nutritionist, by doing everything I could while supporting myself.  The highs, such as winning the Commonwealths and the too numerous lows that I have felt at recent World Cup events.  I do not regret any of it. I am not even sure that I would do too much differently.  I set out to give myself two years, and the best possible chance of making the Olympic Games - and that I did.  

In my first blog, entitled 'Setting out for Ithaca', I said that my journey to Ithaca would take two years.  But the truth is that I have not yet found my Ithaca.  Odysseus wandered for ten years on his return from the Trojan War, even glimpsing the shores of his homeland before being swept away by the winds, escaping from their prison.  My journey is not yet complete. My future is still very uncertain, with nothing lined up after the end of the school year at the beginning of July.  When I called the 2012 Olympics my Ithaca I was wrong. Ithaca is more than an event or a happening and I do not now think that you know when you will find it.  Ithaca is the culmination of a journey and at the same time the beginning of another.  Once Odysseus finally returned home, he had to rid his house of suitors, and then set out almost immediately on another expedition.  My journey so far has definitely been long, and full of adventure and instruction. 

I finish this blog post with the words of Constantine Cavafy's poem Ithaca, which I quoted in my first, and which now I more fully understand: 

 Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don't in the least hurry the journey.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn't deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you'll have understood what these Ithakas mean.