An education

Losing is learning. Winning is normal.

Lately I've been doing a lot of learning.  Results haven't gone quite as anticipated and it has been more than a little disappointing.  It's even been difficult to write this blog post; I've been quite busy since I got back from Venice on Saturday evening but I've also been putting off writing this. Apologies, it might be a little raw.

Ever heard of the phrase 'train hard, win easy'? Well I've been training hard but am waiting for the winning.  This weekend I was feeling good: relaxed, confident and ready to go.  However, the word I would use to describe the start of my poule is 'brutal'. I got smashed.  No other way to describe it. I was moving up and down well but for some reason couldn't hit my opponent - kind of important to do that really.  I was cut after the poule.  I immediately knew that I would be cut, despite the third wave still to come and went outside to vent some frustration, at myself more than anything else.  Behind the venue was a reasonable size stream with a footbridge going across.  To release my frustration I decided instead of hitting anything, which no doubt I would later come to regret, to pick up a stick and hurl it into the water.  I missed.  Even more frustrated I picked up a stone instead; I missed again.  I feel that that anecdote sums up my day better than anything else. 

So where to go now? One or even two competitions does not change anything. The truth I know inside is that I am better than that. I am not going to give up as soon as the going has got tough.  At the weekend's competition 100 fencers didn't make the last 64 on the second day, including all of my British teammates.  Its a tough environment where the margins are so small, just a couple of nanoseconds either way.  I also know I have improved a lot over the off season, have changed a few aspects of my technique and that it will take time for it all to gel and the results to become clear.  In the mean time, just as a rider who has fallen off their horse, the show must go on, the horse must be remounted and training continued.  Now I have to work harder than ever and make sure that just as last time, I give myself the best possible chance of succeeding, this time in Budapest. 

Now I'm learning. Soon, I'll be winning.