The Stars

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

I once received a card from a very good friend at University, with this quotation on the front.  Over the last two years I have shot for the moon, but now it is the stars that I lie among; I was not destined to be The Eagle, landing on the surface of the moon.  The selection decisions for the London 2012 Olympic Games were made a few weeks ago.  Obviously I was disappointed not to make the Games, but not with the decision to omit me.  Unfortunately, my performances in the World Cup competitions over the last year, were not up to scratch, below the minimum level for selection and far below my own expectations, and thus I was not discussed in those meetings.  

Why? Is generally a good question - for me - why did I not perform as I was capable of in the qualification window? But also other questions come to mind: Do I believe that my results were reflective of my ability? No. Do I believe that my technique is deficient? No. Was I just unlucky? Also no. Why did it not come together? why? A question that no doubt, I will continue to ask myself for some time, and in good time I will do a review.  The truth is that I fully believe that I am a far better athlete than I have ever been before, with better technique and ability, and yet have done far worse over the course of a season than I have ever done before. It still doesn't make sense to me.  

Looking back, I see all the hard work I have put in.  The effort I have taken at every training session, every conditioning session, at sports psychology, by finding a nutritionist, by doing everything I could while supporting myself.  The highs, such as winning the Commonwealths and the too numerous lows that I have felt at recent World Cup events.  I do not regret any of it. I am not even sure that I would do too much differently.  I set out to give myself two years, and the best possible chance of making the Olympic Games - and that I did.  

In my first blog, entitled 'Setting out for Ithaca', I said that my journey to Ithaca would take two years.  But the truth is that I have not yet found my Ithaca.  Odysseus wandered for ten years on his return from the Trojan War, even glimpsing the shores of his homeland before being swept away by the winds, escaping from their prison.  My journey is not yet complete. My future is still very uncertain, with nothing lined up after the end of the school year at the beginning of July.  When I called the 2012 Olympics my Ithaca I was wrong. Ithaca is more than an event or a happening and I do not now think that you know when you will find it.  Ithaca is the culmination of a journey and at the same time the beginning of another.  Once Odysseus finally returned home, he had to rid his house of suitors, and then set out almost immediately on another expedition.  My journey so far has definitely been long, and full of adventure and instruction. 

I finish this blog post with the words of Constantine Cavafy's poem Ithaca, which I quoted in my first, and which now I more fully understand: 

 Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don't in the least hurry the journey.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn't deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you'll have understood what these Ithakas mean.

And so it begins...

Come September, come the start of the new domestic fencing season.  It hardly seems a year ago that I was in this same position. tempus fugit.  The difference being that this time one year ago I was preparing to head out, in a little over a week's time, to Melbourne for the Commonwealth Fencing Championships, whereas today I am fully focussed on qualifying for London 2012.  Last year I used the start of the domestic season to prepare for winning Commonwealth gold, this time I am training through and looking to use my events as stepping stones, preparing me for the second half of the Olympic Qualifying phase in February.  This is all pre-season for then. 

Pre-season started in August, not the summer holidays, as I might have called it at school or university, but in fact a period of time spent working hard, reforming and refining technique, and getting stronger and fitter.  This included a trip to the Grantham home of the Royal Logistics Core.  Most of the elite fencers in the UK will have, at some time or other, been to Grantham.  For someone who has never been it is perhaps difficult to imagine, but I shall try and describe it to you.  Grantham is an army base, somewhere in Lincolnshire.  Normally it is deserted, check.  Food is military, check - lots of carbohydrates, little meat, and at odd times, 7.30, 12.30 and 5.  Exercise is scheduled for about 9 hours a day, check. S&C run by army PTIs, check.  Rooms of 20 in bunk beds, check.  Snowing - well, it was summer so it was raining instead.  In Grantham one trains, eats and sleeps. I certainly did not achieve anything else that week. There is also a man called Leo, who collects urine samples before and after every training session (at least three sessions a day), collects blood lactates from a cut in your ear during training sessions, and this year monitored your resting heart rate at the beginning of each day as well as during the sessions.  This year it was also a lot of fun! 

September holds two of the biggest competitions of the year, the Hamlet Open and the Bristol Open, on the second and third weekends of the season.  With my summer training block behind me I went into the competitions feeling strong and confident, despite not looking to peak at this time.  And the results were good.  3rd at Hamlet.  2nd at Bristol.  In the space of those events I only lost to one person, my training partner, and Beijing Olympian Alex O'Connell, to whom I lost in the semi-final at Hamlet and final at Bristol.   The signs are looking good.  I was particularly happy to back up a strong showing at Hamlet with my performance at Bristol and so in the flash of an eye my domestic season has started, and also finished.  Now it is back to the training salle and back to preparing for February. 

I was disappointed with how things turned out last year when I failed to build upon winning the Commonwealths and really underperformed.  Subsequently I have missed out upon selection for the World Championships.  The only thing I can do is keep my head down, keep working hard, keep pushing myself, let my results do the talking and push myself forwards for selection for the greatest show on earth - London 2012.