The Stars

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

I once received a card from a very good friend at University, with this quotation on the front.  Over the last two years I have shot for the moon, but now it is the stars that I lie among; I was not destined to be The Eagle, landing on the surface of the moon.  The selection decisions for the London 2012 Olympic Games were made a few weeks ago.  Obviously I was disappointed not to make the Games, but not with the decision to omit me.  Unfortunately, my performances in the World Cup competitions over the last year, were not up to scratch, below the minimum level for selection and far below my own expectations, and thus I was not discussed in those meetings.  

Why? Is generally a good question - for me - why did I not perform as I was capable of in the qualification window? But also other questions come to mind: Do I believe that my results were reflective of my ability? No. Do I believe that my technique is deficient? No. Was I just unlucky? Also no. Why did it not come together? why? A question that no doubt, I will continue to ask myself for some time, and in good time I will do a review.  The truth is that I fully believe that I am a far better athlete than I have ever been before, with better technique and ability, and yet have done far worse over the course of a season than I have ever done before. It still doesn't make sense to me.  

Looking back, I see all the hard work I have put in.  The effort I have taken at every training session, every conditioning session, at sports psychology, by finding a nutritionist, by doing everything I could while supporting myself.  The highs, such as winning the Commonwealths and the too numerous lows that I have felt at recent World Cup events.  I do not regret any of it. I am not even sure that I would do too much differently.  I set out to give myself two years, and the best possible chance of making the Olympic Games - and that I did.  

In my first blog, entitled 'Setting out for Ithaca', I said that my journey to Ithaca would take two years.  But the truth is that I have not yet found my Ithaca.  Odysseus wandered for ten years on his return from the Trojan War, even glimpsing the shores of his homeland before being swept away by the winds, escaping from their prison.  My journey is not yet complete. My future is still very uncertain, with nothing lined up after the end of the school year at the beginning of July.  When I called the 2012 Olympics my Ithaca I was wrong. Ithaca is more than an event or a happening and I do not now think that you know when you will find it.  Ithaca is the culmination of a journey and at the same time the beginning of another.  Once Odysseus finally returned home, he had to rid his house of suitors, and then set out almost immediately on another expedition.  My journey so far has definitely been long, and full of adventure and instruction. 

I finish this blog post with the words of Constantine Cavafy's poem Ithaca, which I quoted in my first, and which now I more fully understand: 

 Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don't in the least hurry the journey.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn't deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you'll have understood what these Ithakas mean.

Amsterdam

Last weekend I competed in the Amsterdam FIE Satellite Event.  This tournament was held on the same weekend as the Welsh Open, one of the largest UK domestic competitions, but for me, the choice to compete in Amsterdam as opposed to Wales was an easy one.  As I have mentioned in previous posts I have planned to compete in a few European events this side of Christmas in preparation for the second part of Olympic Qualifying.  This tournament therefore offered excellent practice of competing: in an unfamiliar environment, in a foreign country, against different styles of fencer, against (in general) a higher standard of opposition, and under the pressure of competing for World Cup points.  

As opposed to the ultimately somewhat lengthy trip I undertook to Belgium for the previous event three weeks ago, I decided to fly out late Saturday afternoon and return Sunday night so as to spend as little time away as possible.  To speed up my journey home in order to get as much sleep as possible before work on Monday morning I elected to use business parking at Heathrow T5.  Definitely the best parking experience I have ever had.  I had my own 'pod' to the terminal, and the entire transit was less than 5 minutes, with the service leaving upon demand.  I took a photo of the pod, here: 

 

And here is the link - very 21st Century. 
http://londonist.com/2011/09/heathrow-rolls-out-driverless-pods.php

The event itself had 74 entrants, meaning that the format was reduced to one round of poules, as a World Cup competition.  The field included fencers from Hungary, Italy, Poland, UK, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, Ireland, Chinese Taipei, USA, Canada, Turkey, Spain, Israel, Austria, Switzerland, and several others.  In the poules I won all 6 fights, despite not being ranked among the top seeds, and I closed my fights out quite comfortably, feeling in complete control.  This resulted in me being ranked 4th after the poules, and so followed a five and a half hour wait until I would fence again! The draw was due to pit me against teammate Tom Mottershead in the last 32, however he lost to the Polish fencer, Cieszkowski in the round of 64.  I was able to convincingly beat Cieszkowski in the 32 and also an Italian in the last 16.  In the round of 8 I came up against Jo Polossifakis, a Canadian fencer, who I had beaten in the poule and who only last week had come 3rd at the Pan-American Games.  The match was tight, with both of us on top for periods in the first half but in the end I was edged out 15-14.  

Overall I was happy with the result. It was definitely a step in the right direction, post the Gent debacle, and I had fenced very well all day, especially in the poule.  I was able to maintain concentration over a long period of time and fenced as well as I had competitively in a long time.  The day was also good for Keith Cook.  At the same time as my event was a Men's Foil Satellite event, which Keith won (picture below), and I have to say it made a nice change to be at the event with the Men's Foil team, most of whom are centrally funded.  The competition also was a good experience for me as I was able to test out my new diet.  I have recently started seeing a nutritionist to try and squeeze that extra one or two percent out of my performance.  What I found in Amsterdam was that the foods I was eating did help my concentration, but did not provide me enough energy, so come St Jean in a couple of weeks I will have a new competition protocol as we look to get everything heading in the right direction before the serious business begins. 

Results of the competition:
http://www.fie.ch/Competitions/ResultsList.aspx?Key=A0E72808D46ECBA59CF8D1D169CD2ADC

And so it begins...

Come September, come the start of the new domestic fencing season.  It hardly seems a year ago that I was in this same position. tempus fugit.  The difference being that this time one year ago I was preparing to head out, in a little over a week's time, to Melbourne for the Commonwealth Fencing Championships, whereas today I am fully focussed on qualifying for London 2012.  Last year I used the start of the domestic season to prepare for winning Commonwealth gold, this time I am training through and looking to use my events as stepping stones, preparing me for the second half of the Olympic Qualifying phase in February.  This is all pre-season for then. 

Pre-season started in August, not the summer holidays, as I might have called it at school or university, but in fact a period of time spent working hard, reforming and refining technique, and getting stronger and fitter.  This included a trip to the Grantham home of the Royal Logistics Core.  Most of the elite fencers in the UK will have, at some time or other, been to Grantham.  For someone who has never been it is perhaps difficult to imagine, but I shall try and describe it to you.  Grantham is an army base, somewhere in Lincolnshire.  Normally it is deserted, check.  Food is military, check - lots of carbohydrates, little meat, and at odd times, 7.30, 12.30 and 5.  Exercise is scheduled for about 9 hours a day, check. S&C run by army PTIs, check.  Rooms of 20 in bunk beds, check.  Snowing - well, it was summer so it was raining instead.  In Grantham one trains, eats and sleeps. I certainly did not achieve anything else that week. There is also a man called Leo, who collects urine samples before and after every training session (at least three sessions a day), collects blood lactates from a cut in your ear during training sessions, and this year monitored your resting heart rate at the beginning of each day as well as during the sessions.  This year it was also a lot of fun! 

September holds two of the biggest competitions of the year, the Hamlet Open and the Bristol Open, on the second and third weekends of the season.  With my summer training block behind me I went into the competitions feeling strong and confident, despite not looking to peak at this time.  And the results were good.  3rd at Hamlet.  2nd at Bristol.  In the space of those events I only lost to one person, my training partner, and Beijing Olympian Alex O'Connell, to whom I lost in the semi-final at Hamlet and final at Bristol.   The signs are looking good.  I was particularly happy to back up a strong showing at Hamlet with my performance at Bristol and so in the flash of an eye my domestic season has started, and also finished.  Now it is back to the training salle and back to preparing for February. 

I was disappointed with how things turned out last year when I failed to build upon winning the Commonwealths and really underperformed.  Subsequently I have missed out upon selection for the World Championships.  The only thing I can do is keep my head down, keep working hard, keep pushing myself, let my results do the talking and push myself forwards for selection for the greatest show on earth - London 2012. 

Progress Check

It is now a little more than a year since I graduated from college and left the protective environment of a student to pursue my dream of competing in the London Olympics.  The last year, on the whole, has gone very quickly, especially the last five months, and has not been without its challenges.  Moving home after four years of living away took a little getting used to, probably for my parents too, who have been very supportive.  It was also not easy at first witnessing my friends, embarking upon careers in London, living together, earning and taking a very different path to myself.  The separation can be a little lonely but I do not regret my choice, for that is what it is, my choice.  In fact, I know several of them, chained to their desks, are envious of my journey and would much rather be embarking on something similar. 


The year has not panned out quite how I anticipated, that is for sure.  If you had asked me a year ago what my situation would be like today, my answer would have been probably something like this: I would be in the top 100 of the world rankings, having qualified for the European Championships, have a flexible part-time job which allowed me to go away when I needed to, but employed me for about 20-30 hours a week when I was home so I could support myself, and I would have been added to the British Fencing Olympic Pathway Programme (funded athletes), on the back of my results.  The reality is very different, I unfortunately have not met the targets I set for myself and consequently will not be competing in the upcoming European Championships. Similarly, having done a little of this and that throughout the year, most lately tutoring, to keep myself afloat I still do not have a part-time job (a real priority now) and I have received no approaches from British Fencing.  I am outside of the system, doing it the way fencers had to in years gone by, which ultimately is harder, but the ball is in my court, I have to do it, I cannot complain.  And thus the work goes on daily, behind the scenes, in the pursuit of my dream. 

The year has not been without successes, most notably my double Commonwealth Gold last October, and another highlight was winning Essex Sports Personality of the Year.  Furthermore I know I have improved immensely.  My conditioning has never been as good as it is now.  Similarly I have much greater control in my fencing and know I am a much better athlete and competitor.  The reality is that it has taken much more time than I thought.  At the beginning of the season, actually only my first full international season, I had false ideas about my readiness.  I was not at the level I thought I was, and had not made enough progress in the off-season.  A change of coach in Easter has reinvigorated me and in the second half of the season, the first half of the Olympic qualifying cycle, my fencing has steadily improved.  Furthermore I am enjoying it more than I have before as I have adjusted to this lifestyle.   

Not qualifying for the Europeans and being passed over for the World University Games has brought a premature end to my season, but that does not mean that it is now holiday time, just because I will not be competing for a couple of months.  Now is actually the time when the hard work begins, where changes of technique are possible and the greatest leaps made.  Not being at the Europeans makes it a little more difficult to reach London, but not that much more; with the right amount of hard work, focus and ultimately experience I will be ready next year.  I am fencing well, really well, I simply just need to remember how to win and close out more fights.  That is all.  I feel as if I've had a good foundation year and now I have a springboard to jump off and reach new heights.  Bring it on.

A New Story

Since I last updated this blog I have completed a training week in Madrid, had two weeks at home preparing for the Warsaw Grand Prix, competed at the Warsaw Grand Prix and subsequently the Hertfordshire Open.  Time is flying by. The last four weeks have been an absolute blur and my daily routine has been a little like this: wake up, eat, train, eat, sleep, train, eat, sleep, eat, train, eat, and sleep.  Or at least it was last week when a member of the French team came to train with us at our club to give us the intense and high level standard of training we need in order to succeed in these qualifying events. I have a feeling the next 408 days until the Olympic fencing commences at the Excel Centre are going to follow a similar pattern.  

Varsovie GP 

So, the Warsaw Grand Prix; yet another mixed bag for me.  I actually fenced very well when I chose to fence. Unfortunately, during the first three fights of my poule I tried to fight in the middle of the piste, not using the full 14 metres available to me, and thus played a game of chance rather than grabbing hold of the match and taking control.  Another early exit to the competition, eliminated after the poule stages with only one victory to my name, albeit with a much improved performance in the latter three fights, including a 5-4 defeat.  However, it is a tale similar to one I have told in this blog a number of times now and I can't have it any more. Thus I will head to New York in a week determined to write a new story in my next blog. 

Hertfordshire Open

In my calendar as a training competition, an opportunity to spar with a number of different people, try some things out and hopefully at the same time do well and amass some UK ranking points.  Looking back on the competition I do not actually believe I fenced all that well, however, one important positive to take out of the event was the number of fights I was able to win and grind out the required results, some more convincingly than others.  That said, I only really underperformed in one fight; the final.  Having got to the final, fencing through a field that included 6 of the UK top 12 or half our world cup team, I fenced a club mate and went 8-0 down at half time.  This has never happened to me before and was a bit of a shock as my mind had gone completely blank.  I managed to fight back strongly in a determined and spirited second half but the damage was already done and in retrospect too much to overcome.  Thus I left the competition in a mixed mood, extremely disappointed and angry with myself over my performance in the final, but satisfied with the day's work, outcome and having enjoyed the competition (credit here should go to the organisers who did a great job).  And furthermore, fortified with some extra competition experience, and knowledge of what I need to work on between now and New York.  

This season I have only two more events currently in my calendar.  The Newcastle European Satellite Event this weekend and the New York World Cup the following weekend.  Next time I will be writing a New Story.  

en España

Another Olympic Qualifier, another record: 196 competitors.  At the elite level, that means its pretty tough.  I think everyone has been surprised at how large the fields have been since qualification started, and despite the notable absence of the Georgians, Kazakhstanis and Greeks the competition was still pushing 200.  That meant for the second competition in a row, 26 poules in 3 waves.  This time, it was poule 18 and second wave for me.  Although the poules and schedule are published the night before it is always difficult to judge precisely when you will start fencing, often you are faced with the necessity of getting the bus from the hotel a little too early in order not to leave too little time to warm up properly, and, if you are not fencing in the first wave, you most likely face a battle for space in which to warm up.  In Madrid, for I think the first time ever, my warm up, including fencing, took place entirely outside. 

Unfortunately on the day of the competition I was struck down with food poisoning, and even now I am not sure of the cause, perhaps from the sandwiches I ate on the plane, perhaps from the hotel food the night before, or perhaps from the water.  To my memory I have never suffered food poisoning before, and I had a pretty horrific experience on Friday and know that I never want to suffer from it again - especially when I am fencing.  The illness left me very uncomfortable, sapping my strength and leaving me short of breath.  Having said that, I fenced much better than I have done in the competitions since Budapest.  I won two fights convincingly in my poule, but suffered my third painful loss of the season to the Brazilian, Agresta, who lives and trains in Italy (14-15 in the last 96 in Budapest, 3-5 in Athens, and 4-5 here in Madrid), squandering a winning position.  My good indicator after the poules ensured I comfortably made the cut, which actually proved to be a lot less brutal than the previous weekend in Athens, and was drawn in the 128 with the Belarusian, Alexander Buikevich.  

Buikevich, European Champion in 2008, has an usual and languid style, but having fenced and beaten him at the training camp in Almeria over Easter I knew I had a fair chance of proceeding.  He immediately got a couple of hits up and unfortunately that margin remained throughout the rest of the fight, my conditioning on the day fading as I was not able to put in the work required to win hit after hit.  So disappointed with defeat, but not too downhearted considering the circumstances of the day, I can look forward to fencing in Warsaw without the debilitating food poisoning. 

After the competition five of us have stayed out in Madrid for a week's training with the Spanish national team.  The facilities they train in are amazing.  The venue, INEF, is the centralised home to most of the Spanish Olympic teams, located on the site of Madrid University.  The complex has specialised facilities for all the sports located in the main building, including a state of the art fencing salle on the basement level.  It is great to have the possibility of using facilities such as these and to take advantage of the week out here, trying to make the small improvements demanded of us to qualify, and in time for the next event.

The Road to Qualification

I can't believe it has been a month since my last update. I guess I've been pretty busy and not at home much in that time.  Our qualification cycle started the day after the Olympic ticket window closed.  That day we were on a plane to Athens for the first competition counting towards selection: the Coupe d'Acropolis held in the Athens Olympic Park. 

I was feeling in pretty good shape prior to the competition having completed ten days of intensive but fun and rewarding training with the Spanish and Belarusian teams in southern Spain, and on the back of a third place finish at the Birmingham International the previous weekend.  There have been record fields at the World Cup competitions this year so we went expecting a large and tough competition with perhaps as many as 165 entrants.  There were 196. I was in poule 26 in the third wave.  70 athletes missed the cut, including myself and unfortunately none of the British team made the last 96.  It was strange to think that after that first day nearly 3/4 of the field were sitting in their hotel rooms unhappy at their result, again including myself.  Next time it will be more of the same, only I hope to be in that other quarter. 

I recently read a great article on the BBC Sport Website concerning Judd Trump's achievements at the Crucible in the recent Snooker World Championships.  The article deviates to discuss the existence and idea of talent.  Matthew Syed has taken the unusual argument that talent is false and instead greatness is built on hard work.  I certainly agree that the greatest players are often the ones who have worked the hardest. Success is never easy in any walk of life.  Watching Federer at his best play tennis is effortless; the same as Messi playing football, but each has put in thousands of hours of practice wanting to be the best that they can be and ultimately the best in the world.  

It is up to me to work as hard as I can, to realise my 'potential for excellence' and to persevere when things do not quite pan out as I would like.  Success is built and realised over time.  Without putting in the hours you cannot qualify for the Olympic Games, you have to want it, to believe it and work hard for it.  Between now and Madrid, you'll find me at training. 

The Easter Break

This season is a strange one.  So far it hasn't really counted.  A strange thing to say about the Senior World Cup Circuit.  But this is a strange year.  The Olympics are now just one year away; Olympic qualifying starts in little more than two weeks.  So we find ourselves now in our Easter break, a time for reflection on what has gone well, or not so well over the first four competitions and therefore what to take forward and what to change in the next four, the second half of the season.  It is also a time to have a little break and to do some important training.  During the competition cycle it is hard to change things between events as you have so little time, no more than 10days between coming home and departing for the next event, however the month now allows the opportunity to do things differently. 

For my part I spent a week after Moscow refereeing and coaching at the Public Schools Fencing Championships with Brentwood School, an event the school won.  I started fencing at Brentwood and enjoy going back to help out, especially in this the most prestigious of school fencing competitions in which the pupils fence all three weapons, epee, foil and sabre over the course of three days.  The competition was held at Crystal Palace, the National Sports Centre and so I was able to do some training there in the gym and also on the piste later in the day with some other members of the Great Britain Senior Team.  After that I've had a break for a week to recharge my batteries.  One of the hardest things about the competition cycle is a lack of time for social events.  Away each weekend and training in the evenings it can be difficult to stay in touch with friends, who of course have their time off when its my 'time on'.  I believe it is necessary to try and maintain a balance so that you do not get all-consumed by fencing, at which point you'll start over-thinking things and make it more difficult for yourself.  The little time off has also considerably helped my body, allowing me a little period of rest to get over some little niggles I had been carrying. 

That time off all ended last Wednesday when I made my comeback at a brutal circuits class I walked into by accident, although admittedly it felt good to be back.  And now I'm off to Spain for 10days for a training camp hosted by the Spanish national team.  I'm really looking forward to it.  Getting away and training in a different environment helps liven things up and the extra depth in sparring is going to be really beneficial. 

After I get back from Spain I have 7 days at home to prepare for the Athens World Cup.

The venue: Athens Olympic Park. My destination: London 2012.

Moscow

Я люблю Москву

Last weekend, we, the GB Men's Senior Sabre team were in Moscow.  Warned of temperatures as low as -15 degrees Centigrade we'd all packed pretty heavily.  As it was, keeping cool was more of an issue than keeping warm! We were lucky in that it was never really below -5 outside, despite the 6ft of snow piled up next to the road and the fact it snowed each day we were there, but everywhere you went inside the heating was on full blast, even our room which had no obvious radiator or alternative heat source. So while we were able to deal with the cold, the heat, Moscow's extortionate prices (Moscow is the second most expensive city in the world after Tokyo), even the basic accomodation provided in our hotel, one thing near impossible to circumnavigate was Moscow's traffic.  I do not know how the city functions! It appears as though Moscovites have no regard for road traffic laws, traffic lights and junctions.  It took us 2 hours to get from the airport to the hotel, around 45 minutes to get the venue each morning and around 1 hour 45 minutes to get back - we later discoverd it was a distance of four metro stops, or around 5km.  Even going to bed in our room on the 25th floor we were cerenaded by the dulcit tones of car horns and the occasional 'smash' as a couple of vehicles collided.  

The venue: more like a Bond villan's hide-out than arena

The hotel itself did the job and little else.  Most confusingly we were due to stay in the Hotel Aquarium, or so the Russian provided details told us, however the bus dropped us at the Hotel Astrus, and that is where we stayed, the only indication that this might be the same hotel being on a pen at the alternative desk we had to use to check in.  I have included a couple of pictures from the hotel below so that, in case you had thought otherwise, you can see the glamourous lives we international athletes live. 

The competition itself did not go quite to plan.  I did not fence particularly well during the individual event and contrived to win no hits in the middle 4m of the piste and also go behind in each fight.  Unfortunately my team mates did not do too much better than me and no-one made the business end of the competition, the last 64 on the second day.  The results haven't been what we would have wanted this season so far, but I am sure we can redress this in the second half of the season, when it counts towards Olympic Qualification.  We therefore had a day off on the Saturday before the team event and for once did a little sightseeing.  We took the Metro down to Red Square where we all posed in front of St Basel's Cathedral, saw the Kremlin, Lenin's Mausoleum and also ventured into GUM - perhaps the most expensive and beautiful shopping centre I've ever been in.  We also featured in some sort of video saying the words Я люблю Москву (I love Moscow). 

Great Britain have not entered a Men's Sabre Team into an event for a year, despite it being an Olympic discipline, because of funding issues.  So with no ranking, but determined to do well Alex O'Connell, Neil Hutchison, James Honeybone and I took to the piste on the Sunday.  We fenced a tricky Japanese team in the last 32, overcame the differnce in seeding, hit them hard at the start, opened up a big lead and comfortably closed out the match.  In the last 16 we fenced a German side that included the World Number 1, and one which had come second at the last two World Cups, and despite another strong start the Germans were able to pull away at the end.  China, the 5th seeds, were our opponents in the first play off match, a team which included the 2008 Olympic Champion.  Again we started the match very strongly and were 30-30 before the Chinese's greater experience began to show and they pulled away to win 45-35.  After that match we had to pick ourselves up quickly to fence Iran.  This time there was a very different pressure on us, we felt we had to win and perhaps constricted by this got embroiled in a close match and survived a late Iranian comeback to win 45-44.  This led to a clash with perennial opponents Poland.  Unfortunately on the day Poland had a little too much for us and we lost 45-36 ending up 14th. A very respectable position considering we started the day as bottom seeds and certainly something we will be looking to build on in the future.  

I spent most of the team day as the reserve, subbing on from the bench, which means that I did not get to fence as much as I'd have liked to.  Subbing on is always difficult as generally you are trying to turn around a match, and I came on to fence Limbach (World Number 1), Hartung (former Cadet and Junior World Champion), Zhong (Olympic Champion) and Koniusz (European Olympic Qualifier winner and top 25 fencer) - certainly not easy opponents.  Now I need to get myself in the position where I'll be starting these matches.  

Breakfast!

Our room on the 25th Floor

Tickets

Only 500 days to go until the London Olympic Games get under way.  I can remember the moment London were awarded the Games in 2005 as if it were yesterday.  Time has flown past and the next 400 days we have left, the qualifying period, are going to go even faster.  

I thought I would leave a note here to say that should I make it to the London Games, I will be competing in the Men's Sabre (FE003) at the Excel Centre and possibly also the Men's Sabre Team (FE013), which in my opinion will be the most entertaining event to watch. I've copied the link to the Olympic fencing programme below, which includes ticket prices.  Right now our top fencer is Richard Kruse in the Men's Foil (FE007), and our Men's Foil Team (FE017) are regarded as our best medal prospect, but I'd quite like to steal their thunder there! You have 6 weeks to decide what you want, I'm hoping that I won't be needing my tickets! 

http://media.ticketmaster.com/en-gb/img/sys/tournament/london2012/oly-fencing.pdf

Inches

Life's this game of inches - Al Pacino (Any Given Sunday)

One year before Varsity, the captain of the Cambridge team made us watch the inspirational American Football film Any Given Sunday.  This perhaps would rank as a generic sports film if it weren't for Al Pacino's speech, as Coach Tony D'Amato, to his team at half time in the play-off final.  The speech has been widely reused in various contexts but usually, to my knowledge, by sports teams, like a Rocky montage, to inspire them before a big match such as Varsity.  After last weekend, the words resonate with me. 

Pacino's character describes life and football as a game of inches: because the margin of error is so small, I mean one half step too late or too early and you don't quite make it.  One half second too slow or too quick and you don't quite catch it before concluding that the inches we need are all around us.  

  

Last weekend, I fenced in the Budapest Grand Prix, traditionally always the hardest of the World Cup events on the calendar.  Furthermore, I fenced well with good intensity winning three poule fights of six, narrowly losing two.  My first fight was against the Frenchman Sanson, an experienced fencer, formally in the World Top-16 and who also won Gold at the Beijing Olympics in the Men's Sabre team event; I beat him comfortably. Getting off to a positive start really helped me and gave me a boost in confidence for the rest of the poule.   I received a bye into the last 96 where I met the Brazilian Agresta, who lives and trains in Italy.  Despite being 8-4 up at the break, I slumped to 13-10 down, before recovering to lead 14-13 and then fall at the final hurdle 15-14.  I was gutted, to come so close and not finish the job was devastating.  Reaching the last 64 and winning my first world cup points of the year was my primary target before reappraising on the second day.  To not achieve this was disappointing.  It also hurt a lot more than the disaster I had in Italy a couple of weeks ago. 

The truth is on that final hit I was probably one half step too late in stepping back and one half step too fast in riposting.  But the fight was not won and lost solely on the one hit but shortly after the break when he won a series of hits, that perhaps I should have stopped sooner.  However, such soul-searching cannot help me now, I must take the positives that I fenced an awful lot better than I have done all season and a couple of things are starting to 'click'.  I also know that Olympic qualifying begins in April and so this competition does not really count.  What is clear is that these competitions are harder than ever as we enter the Olympic qualification cycle and that the margins between us competitors are so small.  Probably three or four times as many fights are won 5-4 as 5-1 and 5-0.  On any given day you have to fence to your best and hope that you make use of the inches around you, and the truth is that the fencers in the last 64 are not that much better but rather they made use of those inches. 

In training this week and next, as we prepare for the Moscow World Cup and the end of the first half of our season I'll be looking for those inches because in the words of Pacino: when we add up all those inches its going to make the difference between winning and losing...

 

An education

Losing is learning. Winning is normal.

Lately I've been doing a lot of learning.  Results haven't gone quite as anticipated and it has been more than a little disappointing.  It's even been difficult to write this blog post; I've been quite busy since I got back from Venice on Saturday evening but I've also been putting off writing this. Apologies, it might be a little raw.

Ever heard of the phrase 'train hard, win easy'? Well I've been training hard but am waiting for the winning.  This weekend I was feeling good: relaxed, confident and ready to go.  However, the word I would use to describe the start of my poule is 'brutal'. I got smashed.  No other way to describe it. I was moving up and down well but for some reason couldn't hit my opponent - kind of important to do that really.  I was cut after the poule.  I immediately knew that I would be cut, despite the third wave still to come and went outside to vent some frustration, at myself more than anything else.  Behind the venue was a reasonable size stream with a footbridge going across.  To release my frustration I decided instead of hitting anything, which no doubt I would later come to regret, to pick up a stick and hurl it into the water.  I missed.  Even more frustrated I picked up a stone instead; I missed again.  I feel that that anecdote sums up my day better than anything else. 

So where to go now? One or even two competitions does not change anything. The truth I know inside is that I am better than that. I am not going to give up as soon as the going has got tough.  At the weekend's competition 100 fencers didn't make the last 64 on the second day, including all of my British teammates.  Its a tough environment where the margins are so small, just a couple of nanoseconds either way.  I also know I have improved a lot over the off season, have changed a few aspects of my technique and that it will take time for it all to gel and the results to become clear.  In the mean time, just as a rider who has fallen off their horse, the show must go on, the horse must be remounted and training continued.  Now I have to work harder than ever and make sure that just as last time, I give myself the best possible chance of succeeding, this time in Budapest. 

Now I'm learning. Soon, I'll be winning. 

Sporting Heroes

In the poems of Homer a hero was a warrior chieftain of special strength, courage or ability.  Today the greats of sport walk among their peers as Homeric heroes, as godlike beings, seemingly unbeatable, and their very greatness transcends, not just their sport, not just sport, but the world as a whole; great sportsmen and athletes like, Jesse Owens, Muhammad Ali, Michael Johnson, Usain Bolt and Roger Federer. These are those who inspire the youth and through their very presence and their own immense achievements leave their sports and the events they touch, a real and lasting legacy. 

For my part, I remember the first time I saw elite men's sabre fencing.  It was at Brentwood School, and I must have been about nine years old.  James Williams, who coached my Prep School class, an Olympian in Barcelona, Atlanta and Sydney, showed us a video of him fencing.  I remember the speed, the aggression, the atmosphere and the intensity.  I was just getting in to fencing at the time and I thought, 'I would like to do that', from then on I was hooked. 

However, it is perhaps sporting greats in other disciplines that inspire me most.  It may sound almost cliched, if that shows the level of unanimous respect these athletes command, but three of my sporting heroes are Redgrave (Sports Personality of the Year 2000), Pinsent (2nd Sports Personality of the Year 2004) and Hoy (Sports Personality of the Year 2008).  Three great British men, who between them have won 13 Olympic Gold Medals and whose career achievements truly are, astounding.  

Simon Barnes, my favourite sportswriter, waxes lyrical about Redgrave in his book 'The Meaning of Sport'.  He says, 'Redgrave is not only a person. Redgrave is also a quality...Redgrave is the ability to go beyond yourself. It is the ability to go the full distance, Johnson-like and more. It is the ability to commit day after day, to the one goal of winning. It is the ability to achieve the ultimate goal: and to be unsatisfied. To want more. To demand more, to seek more and to get more.'    

Barnes was also in Athens and saw Pinsent win his fourth consecutive Olympic Gold.  He describes Pinsent's journey that Olympiad as an echo of the Odyssey, the story of a ship cursed by the gods.  Pinsent's boat had been a pair, which won everything until inexplicably coming fourth at the 2003 World Championships.  The boat was made into a four, which didn't work.  A man was dropped.  Another injured, and eight weeks before the Games, Alex Partridge suffered a collapsed lung and dropped out.  The crew had just seven weeks to prepare as opposed to four years.  The race was neck and neck and was won only in the last ten strokes.  Won by 0.08 seconds.  In the words of Barnes, 'Pinsent took the crew over the line by means of a massive outpouring of the self.  He refused to accept the plain and obvious fact of defeat and remade reality in front of us'.  Pinsent seized the time to succeed and came through, giving everything to the effort.  Pinsent bared his soul and his emotions overcame the body he had moulded as a machine through his years of rowing.  

And then, Chris Hoy, the fastest man over 1000m, winning Olympic Gold in Athens.  He had to deal with adversity a different way.  His event was dropped from the programme in Beijing, forcing him to look elsewhere to satisfy his insatiable hunger for success.  He returned from Beijing with three gold medals.  

These men, heroes to me, perhaps not so much because of their success but because of the quality that Simon Barnes describes as 'Redgrave' alive in them.  The ability to bend events to their will, and the ability to triumph in the battle of wills.  Barnes describes 'Redgrave' as 'not the quintessence of sport, but the quintessence of victory'.

I remember watching BBC Sports Personality of the Year at Christmas and feeling inspired. I felt that I wanted to win, I wanted to prove myself, I wanted to give reign to the 'Redgrave' in me. At the weekend I discovered that I have been nominated for Essex Sports Personality of the Year.  It was a complete surprise and was very touching. I'd like to think that perhaps I too could be a role model for young people finding their way into sport just as Redgrave, Pinsent and Hoy and perhaps one day might be able to join that pantheon of champions.   

On a different note, I would like to mention the news that Beazley, the specialist Lloyd's insurer, have entered into a five year partnership with British Fencing, as principal sponsor.  More details can be found at http://www.beazleybritishfencing.com/   This is great news for the sport in this country and will hopefully make a massive difference, and I just wanted to thank Beazley for their investment in our dreams.